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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Shorter Max Boot: Special Man-Rape Edition

From the Los Angeles Times:

Consent? Never heard of it.

Somewhat longer Max Boot:

Our troops go through training so tough it would violate the Geneva Conventions. Therefore, torture should be legal.

Before proceeding with the man-rape, we note that Boot is especially familiar with the subject at hand from his days training for the 101st Fighting Keyboards.

After reading Boot's column, Pro-War.Com was struck with several questions:

  • Is Boot incapable of distinguishing the training of friendly soldiers from the incarceration of enemy ones?
  • Does he think boxing should be illegal because it's against the law to hit people?
  • Is the idea of consent truly foreign to him?
  • Would there be a way to teach him about consent, and would it involve anal sex?

The answers are Yes, Probably Not, Maybe, and Let's Lube It Up.

Introducing ... Bubba. Bubba is a fictional character who has just been released from prison. And he's agreed to help out with teaching our sweet neo-con.

PWC     Bubba, you're a pretty big fella.

Bubba  Thank you. I'm about 6'4, 320. But I was bigger in prison. When I got out, I started on Atkins.

PWC     Nice. But I bet all that size came in pretty handy in the big house.

Bubba   Don't know what you mean.

PWC     Did you ever force yourself on someone? You know, sexually?

Bubba   Heavens, no! All my acts of prison love were consensual.

PWC     That's what we like to hear. But did you know that some people don't believe in consent?

Bubba   No -- that's crazy talk.

[Bubba reads Boot's column.)

Bubba   Well, this is quite shocking!

PWC     What do you mean?

Bubba   Right here, where he acknowledges that the US engaged in what would "probably qualify as torture — albeit a much milder and more justified form of torture than what the Baathists practiced." I am embarrassed that the justification for such immoral behavior is "Saddam was worse." And he calls himself an American?

PWC     Yes, he ...

Bubba   And this part, where he says that torture is "said to have yielded valuable intelligence." Who said that? Anyone reputable? And is he not aware that Bush's demonstrably false claims of a Saddam-9/11 connection were based on statements made -- under torture -- by Ibn al-Shaykh al-Libi?

PWC      True, true and true. But about consent--

Bubba    I see your point. Boot does not understand that you cannot subject just anyone off the street to what goes on in military training. These are soldiers, and they've agreed to receive the punishing treatment associated with military training! They've consented to be treated like shit because it might just keep them alive!

PWC      Right!

Bubba  And without consent -- well, it would just be torture!.

PWC     Right again!

Bubba   Like if I were to forego seduction and simply use my massive girth (and prison wiles) to force someone to have sex -- which can be very loving -- with me. But I wouldn't call that sex. I would call that rape.

PWC      Man-rape.

Bubba    If it were a man.

PWC      Point.

Bubba   And that would be terrible thing to do.

PWC      That's not how Max Boot would see it. He would look to all of your experiences in prison -- all of which, you happened to say, were consensual -- and see that those people did not complain. Therefore, your man-rape victim should not complain now!

Bubba   But that's stupid.

PWC     I know, Bubba, I know.

Bubba   How can I help? What can I do to drive home the point -- forcefully and repeatedly -- that, absent consent, a beautiful, intimate moment between two cons -- neo or otherwise -- is just a sordid case of man-rape?

PWC     I don't know, Bubba, I don't know.

Bubba   Unless ...

PWC     Bubba?

Bubba   Yes.

PWC     Be gentle.

December 14, 2005 at 11:37 AM | Permalink

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