Noonan Alert: Special Anal Sex Edition

In defending embattled U.N. amassador-nominee John Bolton, Peggy Noonan completely avoids charges that John Bolton has been involved with manipulating intelligence and other nefarious acts, and focuses solely on his being a Grade A asshole.

But does she have the right vocabulary for the job? From the Wall Street Journal:

There is a past and possibly future presidential candidate who would regularly phone one of his staffers at home and ream that person out by screaming base obscenities. (I was impressed to learn the staffer felt free to respond in kind, and did.)

Hmmm. I wonder what "ream" might mean. Let's see what the American Heritage says:

1. To form, shape, taper, or enlarge (a hole or bore, for example) with or as if with a reamer.

Not wrong, but lacking a certain ... je ne sais qoui. Let's try the Urban Dictionary:

1. To insult someone to the point of suicide.

Now that's more like it. But it's still missing something. I wonder if there is a secondary definition?

2. To rip someone's asshole apart. See anal.

Much better. But not yet complete. Could there, perchance, be a tertiary definition?

3. The act I performed on your mother last night.

That's the ticket! Now let's go back and edit Peggy's writing for clarity.

There is a past and possibly future presidential candidate who would regularly phone one of his staffers at home and did the act the act that I perfomed on your mother last night on that person out by screaming base obscenities. (I was impressed to learn the staffer felt free to respond in kind, and did.)

Wouldn't Wonkette be proud!

Yo' dude, this bitch just said she fucked your mom up the ass! Are you going to take it, punk? Huh? Or are you going to stand up to her? Yeah, man, give her a taste, man! Hell, yeah, she's got it comin'. Boo-yaa!